How it began

Hi Neil, big fan of the number generator you’ve created it’s quick, slick and easy to use. Really impressed with the site and I can see you’re having a lot of success in terms of traffic & return visitors.

No, you can’t.

Despite your success I noticed you aren’t showing any Ads- Any particular reason for that?

Yes, I don’t hate my users.

The owner of [domain], a wordle style guessing game, wasn’t monetizing either, before customizing ad experiences automatically with [SPAMMER’S NAME]’s AI & saw 93% increase in earnings + grew time on site by 21%. You’d see similar, if not better results

I earn nothing from the site, and a 93% increase of nothing is still nothing. So, yes, probably factually correct.

for the phone umber generator.

Mmm… Pho number sounds tasty.

I am very confident that [SPAMMER’S NAME] could do a lot more for you in terms of both revenue and user experience.

I very much doubt it.

Worth a conversation?

Hell no.

[SPAMMER’S NAME]

Business Development Manager

Spammer.

I say nothing, so…

Three days later:

Thoughts on this proposal Neil?

A bit creepy to use my name like we’re friends?

Three days later

Neil This is a real opportunity for you to generate advertising income on neilzone whilst keeping the number of ads as low as possible and actually IMPROVING site speed + UX. Let me know if you are interested to learn more.

Well, no, you’re not going to improve the speed of a site with no ads by adding ads.

I did not let them know that I was interested to learn more, so presumably that’s the end of it.

It was not the end of it

A mere four days later:

One of our current sites from the tool site space ([domain]) increased their ad-revenue by 117% per month when they started working with [SPAMMER’S NAME]. Don’t miss out on the opportunity and lets have a discussion Neil.

The missing apostrophe annoys me.

And I guess my simple utility means I am classed as a “tool site”.

Another four days

Look Neil I can empathise with you that when it comes to digital publishing there can be an information overload so I can completely understand why you may have glossed over or even dismissed my emails as too good to be true.

No, they were spammy tripe. Try not to get confused between “too good to be true” and “wasting everyone’s time”.

Believe me

Nope.

when I say that [SPAMMER’S NAME] can help your site in a multitude of ways

See above.

not just to improve your ad revenue. We are a tech partner for publishers like your self and our goal is to optimize your site in the best way possible to provide a great user experience.

So why does loading your website take 84 requests, and a load of 2.95MB?!

And they are back!

Their script seems to fire every four or five says. This time, it’s a breezy

Hi Neil- Any further thoughts?

Well, yes, mostly unprintable.

Exactly four days later

It may seem like a lot Neil but I can assure you I am only reaching out as I know how much of a real benefit [SPAMMER’S NAME] can be for you. I have shared a substantial amount of info with you up to this point so I’ll keep it simple. If you want an Average Revenue increase of 68%, growth of 36% and time on site of 21% then lets have that conversation ASAP. All I need is a 10 minute call with you this week.

I wonder how long their script runs?!

Perhaps this is the end of it?!

Neil this will be my last message.

Thank goodness.

I’m sorry that we couldn’t connect

I’m not.

on this occasion, whether that be due to my messages not reaching you or a lack of interest.. Either way its a great shame

It’s not.

as I know your site is a great fit for [SPAMMER’S NAME] and there is a massive opportunity for you here.

There is not.

If I don’t hear back then I’ll assume this isn’t the right time for you which I completely respect

That’s “completely respect” in the sense of “I’ve sent you eight email about this”.

perhaps we will connect in the future.

I hope not.

All the best,

Sod off.

[SPAMMER’S NAME]